Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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