Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Randomize
