ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
