You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
