There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
