that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
