All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
