he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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