you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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