Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
