return my video game
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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