I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
