I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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