they need to just BURY HIM!
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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