lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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