My liver just broke up with me...
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
