I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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