What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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