I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
