Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
