I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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