i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
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his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
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His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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