he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
