It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
