just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
