im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
