Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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