I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
