I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Randomize
