with your own penis?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You ruined the universe
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize