I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
my shit smells like andre
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Randomize
