Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
