we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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