I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Houston, we have a squirter
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
