Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
