He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
