Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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