i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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