i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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