Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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