Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
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Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
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I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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