His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
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is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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