At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
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she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
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I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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