I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
