Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
