Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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