Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
