the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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