im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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