I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
