Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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