So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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