Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
my phone needs a breathalizer
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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