Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
