We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
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Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
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We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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