I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
