Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
