Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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