Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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