I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
