I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
