Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
