ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
