so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
