i think my tv is drunk
We got so high we made milksteak
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Randomize
